Mexico part 1

So, you know how when you arrive in Hawaii they put the "lay" of flowers on you? Well Mexico is just like that except for instead of flowers, they drape you with pythons. Here's Kasie and I during our traditional Mexican welcome. Forgive the shirtlessness of the great white one, but upon arrival the natives tore my clothes off in a frenzy to determine if I was in fact one of those- glitter in the sunlight "Twillight"- type vampires. Such is my almost transparently white paleness.

As we went to our room for the first time, I was excited to see that there was a hot tub right next to the bed, which was perfect for those late night hot-tub cravings I often have. I could just roll off the bed and directly into the hot-tub without using my legs like a sucker. That's good service, however, I was less excited when I quickly learned that it was also our combination bathtub and toilet. Oh well, when in Rome....or Mexico. Whatever.

As we ventured into town the next day, my excitement had waned. Note the baleful expression.

However, I was soon draped with animals and the happiness returned! Yes, that's a lizard on my head. I would have it no other way.

They take their fun seriously down there. Each evening, if you had not reached your mandatory fun quotient you were summarily shot by these machine gun men.

We went into the town of Tulum to see the Mayan ruins the next day. They were very ruin-y. Things started off calm enough.

Then things got crazy as our tour guide described to us how the Mayans used to do human sacrifice culminating in cutting open the stomach and reaching up into the rib cage and pulling out the still beating heart of the victims. Here's our guide pointing to the temple where they used to do it.

Before we knew what was happening, the guide tried to thrust his hand upward under Kasie's ribs and pull out her heart! Luckily Kasie floated gracefully backward so he only grabbed air. Kasie has fought off villians like him before and has the reflexes of a greased jungle cat who had been adopted by a family of lightning bolts. That how fast she is. Note the humoring smile she gives the guide at his pathetic murder attempt.

I of course, am also no slouch in the reflex department, having been raised by a mom who was a cheetah and a father who was a machine gun. Don't get bogged down by the biology or logic or it all, just understand that I'm pretty fast as well. Anyway, I lickety-split grabbed one of the lizards that had by this time found its way onto my head again and threw him like a dagger, spearing our guide's hand through and through. He looked unbelievingly at the two of us and our deadly show of precision and speed. I gave him one of my special knowing looks. the kind of look that says "I know what you must be thinking right now. You know that what happened to you was so incredible and life changing that even though you have a lizard speared through your hand, you want to thank us. Believe me, we've seen it a thousand times before-and you're welcome." Shown below is precisely what our guide saw and now you can understand the message that it is conveying.

We found out later that he was in actuality only doing a demonstration of how the Mayans used to do it and not trying to kill Kasie at all. We accepted his heartfelt apology of course. We're very understanding people.